Top Ten Horror Movies

Stop! No! Don’t Go In There! That’s where the killer is! You’re so stupid! 

You shouldn’t have split up with everyone in the first place and now you’re going into the basement by yourself!

Oh No! Watch out!

Ok, the bad guy startled you but managed to hit him with the conveniently placed shovel.  Quick! Run up the stairs and get out of here!

Oh no! On your way up the stairs the killer lunged for you and tore off your flowing shirt, now you are only wearing your sexy black bra! Run! Run as fast as you can.  

Oh no! You tripped and fell.  Hurry get up! He’s coming! …..

Oh Damn, he killed you.

Good thing you aren’t one of the stars of the movie!

Have you seen that one before?  That is my best recollection of how all of the horror movies went when I was watching them back in Jr. High.  That’s the point in my life when I watched the most horror movies.  It was the perfect combination for an 8th grade boy… doing something as easy as popping in a VHS cassette, gave me the opportunity to show that I was cool and brave, not afraid of anything, and it also gave me the chance to be the rock for all of my frightened Jr. High co-ed classmates!

I’m writing this just weeks before the best holiday of the year, the holiday that allows you to be whoever you want to be for a night! Whether it’s Batman, or Robin (who picks Robin) a nurse, a slutty nurse, or a slutty Lady Gaga. (Is there any other kind?)  There is something about Horror movies and Halloween that makes me feel at home. It might be the chilly weather, and the hooded sweatshirts and bon fires,  I really think that if Halloween were in June, neither Horror Flicks nor Halloween would be as popular!

So to honor the best time of the year and a great type of Movie!  Here are the Popcorn Movie Review Top Ten Horror Flicks!

10.  Pet Sematary:  What’s scarier than a reborn again cat terrorizing a once normal family? Try a reborn again toddler named Gage who is coming after you with a knife!  I know what you’re thinking, it’s a toddler, kick the thing across the room get out of there.  But Gage isn’t any regular toddler, he has the spirits in him from the ancient Indian burial ground, The Pet Sematary.  This freaky first edition of the two part Steven King series is by far the better of the two and one of the best of all time, but check out Pet Sematary II  as well if you are in for a spooky marathon session! Meduim Popcorn with Butter.

9.  Jaws:  WARNING: SPOILER ALERT! THE CLIP BELOW GIVES AWAY THE ENDING!  Ok, so maybe that clip might not be too scary, it is more of a comedic look at one of the scariest movies of all time!  I first saw Jaws last year, I was 27 years old.  I know it’s awful that I waited so long to see a classic like Jaws, but better late than never!  It proved to me even in my “old age” how scary that movie is! It’s suspenseful, it shocks you, and it’s all around creepy.  The technology that they used to make the sharks is ahead of its time and those huge finned human eaters are always lurking underneath you accompanied by its famous “Da Dump, Da Dump, DaDUmp, DADUMP, DADUMP, DADUMP!  Large Popcorn.

8.  The Evil Dead:  What do you get when you cross the animation of Gumby, the messed up young mind of Sam Raimi, and Bruce Campbell?  One of the most bad ass, gruesome, and original horror flicks ever created.  This is the now classic tale of 5 friends going out on a camping trip into the dark woods where everything is fun and games until they come across an audiotape that releases evil spirits.  As the woods turn against them, some tree raping transpires and the cast gets smaller one by one.  It is a horrifying and graphic movie in the absolute best way ever!  Large Popcorn.

7.  The Ring:  Anytime a movie can keep a grown adult from sleeping all night, that movie must have had something special to it.  I got a few Z’zzz the night after I watched The Ring, but I can still remember lying in bed with my mind racing and the image of that glowing ring piercing my eyelids every time I tried to close them.  It has been the only movie in my adult life that kept me awake in fear.  It is a pretty weird feeling to have for a typically intrepid adult.  This movie has to make the list! If we were playing horseshoes it would be a sure….ok I’m gonna stop.  Large Popcorn.

6.  Silence of the Lambs:  The Run time of this horrifying cannibalism movie is 1 hour and 58 minutes.  The reason why it freaks the hell out of us is only in the movie for just under 16 minutes!  Those are some powerful 16 minutes from the American Film Institutes “Number One Film Villain of all Time” Hannibal Lector, played by Anthony Hopkins.  He won an academy award as the leading actor despite less screen time than any other previous, or probably future winner.  The Movie also won everything else there is two win; Best Actress, Director, Adapted Screenplay and, oh yea, Best Picture.  An absolute must see.  I also really enjoyed the Prequel that came out many years later titled Hannibal Lector.  There is nothing like watching a man who is watching a man eat the brains of the man who is watching! (You stick with me?) Large Popcorn.

5.  The Texas Chainsaw Masacre: Is there a more horrifying killing weapon than a chainsaw? It rings with a loud metallic grind, it has interlocking chained teeth, and in this popular recreated horror movie it is coming at you held by a Texas inbred wearing somebody else’s filleted face as a mask! This movie invented the chase scene.  Well I don’t know if that’s true, but if it didn’t, it definitely takes it to the next level.  It’s just one big suspenseful chase.  Done on a very low budget with a gritty image, it may not be the best story ever, but it will get your adrenalin going.  Many people hated the remake in 2003, and as most remakes go, it is not as good, but I still found the 03 version, with Full Metal Jacket’s R. Lee Ermey, to be enjoyable and scary.  Large Popcorn.

4.  Psyco:  RHEE RHEE RHEE RHEE RHEE RHEE RHEE RHEE! The sound that is forever synonymous with stabbing comes from one of Hitchcock’s best films ever, and what would a Top Ten Horror Flicks list be without Hitchcock (The Birds deserves honorable mention to this list).  Go ahead and try to take a shower or rent a cheap motel in the middle of nowhere after watching this movie, I dare you.  If you haven’t seen this, don’t be discouraged by the black and white, or by the fact that it was made 50 years ago.  Watch it this Halloween season, you will be scared.  Paranormal Activity 4 has absolutely nothing on this!  Large Popcorn.

3.  The Exorcist:  The following are all reviews from critics around the world when The Exorcist first came out in 1973.  “The climactic sequences assault the senses and the intellect with pure cinematic terror” -Variety, January 1, 1973.  “An amazing film, and one destined to become at the very least a horror classic… there has never been anything like this on the screen before” – Joe Dante, Castle of Frankenstein.  Even when they are trying to write bad things about it, it still comes off sounding like an awesome horror movie!  Andrew Sarris of the Village Voice in England wrote “The Exorcist succeeds on one level as an effectively excruciating entertainment, but on another, deeper level it is a thoroughly evil film.”  Each of these statements is as true as the day the movie was released.  Creepy, disgusting, haunting and amazing.  Large Popcorn with Butter.

2.  Poltergeist 2:  I remember the day that I watched Poltergeist and Poltergeist 2 on TBS with my mom and brother.  Well, my brother wasn’t allowed to watch after a little into the first movie.  It was January 12, 1997, the day when the Carolina Panthers played the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Championship game.  I had turned 12 just a few months earlier.  As I watched both movies and my mom asked me if I was going to be able to sleep that night.  I said “Oh yea no problem, I have football to watch later that will help take my mind off of the movies” I was fine, during the football games, I was fine during dinner.  Trying my hardest not to think about the horrible, horrible image of Reverend Henry Kane while brushing my teeth before bed time, I just kept thinking to myself, It’s OK they are just movies, Coach was in them!  But it didn’t work, when my head hit the pillow and the lights were off, I was scared to death.  There was no way I was sleeping that night! Or the next night, or the next night, or the next.  I slept on my parent’s bedroom floor for over a week because I was so terrified from watching those movies.  To this day, the song “God is in his holy temple” gives me shivers, and I can’t even watch either of the movies anymore.  I don’t even want to write about it anymore because I am getting the chills!  Enjoy.  Large Popcorn with Butter. 

1.  The Shining:  When Stanley Kubrick and Stephen King team up on a project to freak you out, this is what you get.  A physiological horror that is deserving of  the number one spot on Popcorn Movie Review’s  Top Ten Horror List.  You could ask 100 different people what is the part of this movie that haunts them the most, and you could get 100 different responses.  Maybe it’s the twin girls standing, staring, waiting for you at the end of the long lonely hallway.  Maybe it’s Room 237, or Johnny chopping through the door with an Axe.  I personally always get chills when I see “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” repeatedly typed on page after page after page.  It’s the horror movie that doesn’t need blood and guts or monsters to haunt you forever.  You watch and believe that most of this could happen to you if you were stuck in an old hotel during a snow storm.  This move is so great it should be watched every year when October comes around, I can’t think of a better way to get you in the mood for the greatest holiday of the year.  Large Popcorn with Butter.

Happy Halloween!

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